Of course, it ended up being more like Happy New Years (and
then some), but back then I envisioned nursing a newborn on Christmas Eve while
Trevor finished baking the brie for our annual holiday party with the family.
There is a video that Spencer’s girlfriend, Allison, took of
the big announcement at our request.
Watching it makes me a little teary. It is amazing how much has changed since then. The past year has gone by a warp speed
in some ways and has crawled by in others, and in no place is that more
apparent to me than that video.
The hardest part is seeing Gran.
She was still going strong last May. I think the main reason we decided to have Mother’s Day out
at Pamelot was because she had invited herself out there again (as she was
known to do from time to time).
And since everyone would (mostly) be together, Trevor and I figured it
would be our best opportunity to disclose our little secret. We also got Gran a great grandmother’s
Mothers Day card with Merry Christmas on the inside. It is hard to believe that she would be gone a mere three
months later.
I’ve only watched the video once before last year in
Colorado. Honestly, I had
forgotten about it until I unpacked my Flip recorder and turned it on. It was right after finding out the sex
of the baby, and only days away from Gran’s sudden passing. I remember watching it with Trevor after
charging the camera, turning it on and seeing the thumbnail. Oddly enough, after going to trouble of
having Allison record the event, Trevor and I didn’t actually get around to
watching the footage until that day.
Trevor got teary as we relived the moment, while I flushed with
embarrassment. I had forgotten how
much I cried that day. Plus, I
really wasn’t looking or feeling my best. The
first trimester can do that to you.
Now we are a year out from that Mother’s Day, and I look at
Banner and realize how much my life has been forever changed. I know it is cliche, but having a baby makes you realize how much you have grown as a person. Even though the last year has
gone by quickly, it somehow seems much, much longer than a year since that video was
recorded. Granted, many parts of
my life are exactly the same.
Trevor, the Awesome Pawsome, our house, my job - all examples of the
constants in my life during the last 371 days. It is
amazing how the addition of one very small person can make all the difference.
When I was still pregnant around Christmas, so many people
told me to appreciate the last few days as a family of two. At the time, I was too physically
uncomfortable to appreciate this advice or really even act on it. But what no one tells you is that the
first step into parenthood is a doozy.
There is nothing you can read and nothing anyone can say to ever prepare
you for it. And for the first
several days (weeks, months) it can be absolutely terrifying. But then you fall into a routine and
things start feeling more like normal (albeit a new sense of normal), and you start to realize that you can’t
really remember what life was like before the baby. And I don’t mean that in the way most people take it, because
of course I can remember what life was like before Banner was around. I can recall vividly how much easier
and simpler everything was. I
could go to the movies without scheduling a sitter a week in advance. I wasn’t tethered to a breast pump, and
subjected to things like feeding and nap schedules. I could sleep for hours uninterrupted, and, really, only had
to worry about myself.
What I mean is that I can’t imagine life without Banner
NOW. As hoakie as it sounds, that
little guy completes me. I just
didn’t realize that I wasn’t whole until he showed up. And I could never imagine going
back. When I look at myself in the
video from a year ago, I almost feel like we don’t have very much in common
anymore. It is like watching a
video of myself from a lifetime ago, not just twelve months.
But enough about all that. I’m not doing a very good job explaining it, and aren’t
really sure there really are words to describe what I am experiencing. All I know is that all those nights I
stayed awake worrying that I wouldn’t love or bond with my baby were
(apparently) unfounded. Because I
am smitten and look at my son every day and wonder how I was lucky enough to get
to be his mama.
But back to Mother’s Day 2012…
Last year, Trevor gave me a silver cross from Tiffany’s to
celebrate my first “Mother’s Day” (even if I was only mother to something the
size of a blueberry). I had lost
my other silver cross that I had purchased years before at Irish Festival, which
was devastating since I wore it almost every day. I felt naked without it, and was so happy to have a
replacement with sentimental value.
And, a year later, I wore that same little, silver cross to
Banner’s baptism.
That’s right.
Banner was baptized on my first official Mother’s Day. Exactly one year after we told our family we
were pregnant. It was all pretty awesome, if you ask me.
The Mother’s Day baptism was actually a bit of an accident. I hadn’t intended to get the little guy christened until closer to six months, so everyone could recover from Amy’s wedding and it wouldn’t feel so much like one major life event after another. But then I found out that the Dean of the Cathedral (who married Trevor and I back in 2009 and Amy and Adam last month) was retiring. I had always assumed he would baptize Banner, and since his last day is June 3rd, we had to fast track the baptism to accommodate the Dean’s suddenly very limited schedule.
So, Banner was baptized on Sunday with another baby named
Beatrice. Beatrice went
first. Thereby, barring any
emergencies between now and the end of the month, Banner will be the last baby
that Dean Kevin will ever baptize.
The B-Man was a trooper throughout the entire ceremony, and never fussed or cried. He actually seemed fascinated by all the singing and was captivated by Dean Kevin during the sermon. It didn’t even bother him when water was poured on his head. I always thought babies cried when baptized, but in this case, neither Banner nor Beatrice made a sound. In fact the only near baby drama was when Banner was almost dropped. When the first bit of water was poured on his head, Banner twisted in Dean Kevin’s arms to look at the baptismal font (is it bath time?). It happened so suddenly and unexpectedly that he almost wiggled out of the Reverend's arms. Afterwards, Dean Kevin joked that he had been baptizing babies for decades and had never almost lost one before.
 |
| Banner passed out immediately following his baptism. |
The baptism was followed by a reception at our house with quiche, shrimp, muffins, crumb cake, fruit, dip and cheese. It was great to have so many family and friends over to celebrate the occasion.
And, after everyone went home, Trevor let me watch whatever I
wanted on the TV. Which was really
whatever channel he left it on, because I’m unaccustomed to having control over
the remote. He claims I got to watch two "chick flicks", although I'm not sure Midnight in Paris qualifies.
Trevor also got me several thoughtful presents including a book of baby sign language, a baby proof necklace and a package of Zombie fruit flavored gum. Because nothing says Happy Mother's Day and "Let's get that baby baptized" like zombies.
And that, my friends, is how I spent May 13th, 2012. If I still hadn't had laryngitis, it would have been absolutely perfect.
And that, my friends, is how I spent May 13th, 2012. If I still hadn't had laryngitis, it would have been absolutely perfect.
1 comment:
You forgot to mention who the Godmother is.
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